The whirlwind Macau/Hong Kong/China trip was short, but it was really quite momentous, especially for my father. In his side of my extended family, he has the closest links with my relatives there. It is his wish my generation would continue keep up the links, or at the very least, have a grasp on the typical “where we came from” narrative.
It was a memorable 80th birthday for Dua Beh as well. It must have been the first time most of them met relatives from Singapore.
A female relative, probably the wife of one of my uncles or cousins, or even my aunt, said to my sister and I that: 这是你的家 (this is your home)! Spoken in Mandarin instead of Teochew in case we didn’t understand, that unexpected line stuck with me. In the Chinese psyche, the act of 回家 (going home) hold an added significance, aside from its more perfunctory and literal meaning. Some of the elderly relatives encouraged us to visit more frequently and reminded us that we are welcome to stop by anytime we desired. All necessities will be provided for! It felt as if our huge extended family is really headquartered in Shantou in the larger scheme of things and that there exist another superlative level well beyond my seniority in the family.
While I was overwhelmed by their warm reception, the entire experience felt surreal and even a little undeserving for me. Imagine being flown thousands of miles from home into a sort of mini celebration thrown up by people you haven’t met in your life! My half-cousins and I are related through our grandfather, but that alone does not explain much. There is a lot of family history that I am too young to bear witness to. As I’ve alluded to previously, Grandma had helped them through rather difficult times. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the extend of that help, for tough times are best forgotten, but I’m sure most of my uncles and cousins would have lived through the Cultural Revolution. So much is unsaid. So much happens only in the present.
Despite our blood ties, we are really people of two different lands, much like a single species forced to live and evolve in two different ecosystems. I was wondering if all the hospitality we enjoyed was precisely a consequence of our separation and the fact that we aren’t used to interacting as a normal family would. Our histories would continue to diverge, along with our languages and customs. My father found memories; I found historical facts in a textbook.
We might meet again. I was quite tickled when someone — it could be my uncle, aunt, or cousin — suggested that they all make the trip to Singapore when I get married. Well, that’s a big if! That sounds like quite a party!
